Zombie Twins
by Neonist
Summary: Two of the most obnoxious members of Akatsuki set off on what seems like a normal mission...little do they know, the calendar reads October 31st.


A/N: I've wanted to write with these two for a while, one of the best duos in the Narutoverse. Ch'yeahhh. ;D You could probably see some KuzuHida/HidaKuzu if you squint. Anyways, R&R! Rated for violence and our duo's colourful vocabulary.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, things wouldn't be so predictable. xD

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It was a normal mission on Kakuzu's terms, busting into a guy's house, and killing him for that fruitful bounty on his head.

And bringing Hidan along had almost made it normal for such outings. Of course, he didn't want that annoying pain-in-the-arse Jashin follower to follow /him/ along, but the man had his ways of getting through to him. Either by the ear-piercing whines he'd constantly blow out, or...wait, that was it. Just the sound of him complaining and bitching that he's so damn bored and blah blah blah was enough to madden the man into accompanying him. Though it didn't mean he would be on good terms with him through the mission.

Although, bringing Hidan wasn't always at a disadvantage. Most of the times it would be /him/ that'd do all the work and /him/ that'd get all bloody. Not Kakuzu. He would merely just stand there and watch the gruesome ritual that he'd now witnessed oh-so many times before. He'd just be in charge and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid - like mutilate the face enough so that the bounty would come across as un-identifiable. It'd been done several times before, when Hidan has one of those "berserker" moments. It would infinitely be the best method to piss the waterfall-nin off.

"I'm so damn cold! Where the fuck is this mother-fucker's house, damnit?!"

"...Kakuzu, I said where the hell's this bastard at...mannn, is he even worth it?

"He's worth over six thousand ryo. He should be nearby...I've been told it's on this street. He's hiding in a grey house."

"Oh...oh...oh that's useful, isn't it? All these bloody houses are grey, you heathen ass-muncher!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

"You heard me."

As said, he wouldn't - no, _isn't_ on good terms with his partner at all. You can't blame them; a mixture of a short-tempered grumpy gramps with a psychotic foul-mouthed whiny-ass surely wouldn't come out as a good result. They hated each other. And probably always will. The End.

It took almost an extra thirty minutes to find the bounty's house, judging by all the details Kakuzu's received, he was lucky to come across an individual house that bared all conditions. Turns out it was in a whole different street. It couldn't be helped though, no one could focus straight with all the constant swearing and arguing that seemed to just spew out from his partner. But they finally came across the house; it was a rather gloomy looking grey house, black curtains, chipped right window, yup...seemed like this was it. Except one detail wasn't mentioned; there was a pumpkin sitting just below the steps. The ghastly smile and the eerie glow naturally made it seem supernatural.

"I know this thing, I've seen it before...awh fuck, what was it called again, though? Something having to do with a _Jack_ or somethin'." Hidan innocently pointed out, eyes fixed upon the orange squash fruit. Kakuzu, like always, didn't care of anything else except for his money-getting purposes. So one would expect to just roll his eyes and ignore Hidan's remark, and lead him to the front door. So that's exactly what he did.

"Oi, I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting something...don't you, Kakuzu? Seriously." he questioned only moments after he'd been led to the front. Kakuzu gave him a glare that looked as if he was saying: 'you're an idiot. Shut up.' before he replied in a lower-than-normal tone of voice. "No, I don't. Now get ready to lunge at him, kill him quick. I don't want to wait any longer than I have to."

Hidan only flashed that macabre grin before spitting out another come-back. "No need to be in a hurry, I'll take my sweet 'ol time if I have to. My rituals are still rituals, ya know? They're sacred. So they can be as long as I want t--" "Okay fine." Kakuzu interrupted through bared teeth. He'd heard this a million times. He could even recite it all himself if he had to. "I'm just saying; don't do anything un-necessary that'd consume even more time. I'm telling you to go nuts, woo. Just don't do anything Moronic."

Hidan had only opened up his mouth to say something, before Kakuzu went ahead and rang the doorbell. He was greeted with a cold glare from Hidan, though he faced forward and ignored it. Hidan clenched his fists and held his three-fanged scythe closer when he heard footsteps from inside, padding towards the two.

The clicking sound of the door unlocking tensed the two slightly, and Hidan's lips thinned out. The door slowly creaked open and wide, and to their surprise, it seemed like no one was standing there. Not until their eyes levelled and revealed a rather short elderly man with a bright smile upon his wrinkled face.

That wasn't expected. Kakuzu was sure the bounty was about forty-something, not eighty-something...However, the silence cut short by the elderly man with a: "Aren't you two looking darling? I see you still go out for trick or treating even at your ages. Well, whatever. Here, have some sweeties." Something felt really out of place here. Why was this man offering "sweeties"? And what in hell was this "Trick or treating"? Poor Kakuzu had absolutely no idea. Perhaps he had not celebrated this holiday when he was little...but that could be understood, since his childhood days must've been in around the B.C era.

Seeming without a clue, he raised a brow and turned gaze at Hidan, which took him on surprise because the other man was devouring the given candy faster than you could say "Oi, what the fu--" then stole the bowl directly out of the man's hands and stuffing himself even further. "Hidan! I told you to get ready to lunge at him, you useless-...what is this fuckery anyway?" Hidan merely stopped a whole millisecond of eating to grin back at his confused partner. "I'll tell 'ya later." he said with his mouth full, before jumping at the yelping old man and brutally slashing at him for a lick of his blood.

It was getting darker, way darker. And the temperature was dropping even further. And seeing how Hidan always takes such a ridiculous amount of time on his sacrifices, Kakuzu thought it'd be smart of him to just enter the heated home and close the door for the wait. The screaming and the mad-laughter began soon thereafter, as Kakuzu pulled up a chair and sat down to make himself more comfortable. He gazed longingly at the floor, then trailed off to the sight of the spilled sweets. With full attention, he studied it, before finally getting up to pick up a piece and put it to his lips. He was cautious, of course. Still pretty paranoid, the worst that could happen to was the candy was actually poisoned. Although studying Hidan's "normal" behaviour, it didn't seem like he was going to pass out or anything soon. He took a small lick, and embarked on the sweet taste of the strawberry flavoured lolly pop. Needless to say, it _did_ taste pretty damn awesome...he tore the wrapper off completely, and looked around before consuming the whole of the candy. The sweet sensation tickled his inexperienced taste-buds, and he felt a rush of joy fill up his adrenaline. It really has been too long since he had anything sweet. Either way, he couldn't even remember the last time he had some. But it was quite unfortunate...Kakuzu had forgotten that he had these things called sugar highs...it didn't fit his character at all, especially if his kind of sugar highs weren't that of a normal person. Although not thoroughly explained, it was a theory Kakuzu would become his bi-polar opposite. It was one of those blood-bound secrets whom must not be revealed to the world. It had it's reasons.

The S-ranked criminal had finished the lolly-pop in a frightening speed, and the horrible signs of the incoming sugar rush were coming into view. "W-why does it taste so good...? Hehe...It...It's so fucking good...haha..." almost unconsciously, he reached out for more, grabbing a handful of sugar-glazed gummy worms and bears. He bit the heads off the gummi bears and stuck the different coloured bodies and heads of his gummi victims. He gobbled down the worms as sugar fell and clung to his coat in a mess.

He was smiling, smiling a huge unnatural smile that just came out as plain creepy. Not to mention his wide-open eyes that darted around every now and then. And he was shaking, no- twitching violently. "Ahh...ahaha...yummy...must have more, ooh." He grabbed for another sugar pop, until he heard the door bell ring and voices coming from outside.

"PEOPLE!" he screeched in a very un-Kakuzu-like manner, jumping up and opening the door so quickly that it bounced off the wall and slammed back. He giggled. He _giggled_, before opening the door again, to face a couple of confused looking kids. "Uh...trick..or..treat, mister?" a little vampire, a fairy princess and a lion all stared at the twitching mess that was Kakuzu.

"Treats, hahaha...yupyup. Treats. Yum. Here, here are treats. I like treats. Treats are good." that's what he said, but he was just standing there, towering over the poor frightened little kiddies, big clown smile still plastered with uncontrollable giggles.

Until Hidan finally came into view. "Hey, Kakuzu! who's that?" he walked up beside him, a metal pike and his scythe still stuck in his organs and dragging along an equally bloody corpse. Except, seems like he had more than just fun with stabbing himself. The filthy corpse was skinned with the exposure of muscles. Instantly the kids screamed bloody murder and ran the hell away from the two creeps.

Hidan barely paid attention to _them_, he was too transfixed on the wreck that was Kakuzu. He looked horrible, more than he usually did. "Whoa, are you...feeling okay?"

Kakuzu nodded without hesitance, a couple fourteen times before the big grin made a comeback. No wait, the grin didn't disperse to begin with. "I'm feeling just dandy pandy candy!" he sing-songed, before his eyes lit up and he made his way over to where he had his horrid gummy bears. "Hehe...look, look! bear sex..." yeah, he was going loopy now, placing his demented bears on top of each other and handing it to Hidan.

The Jashin-follower had never been more confused in his life. He had probably been the first person living here today that had got to see possibly all emotions that belonged to Kakuzu without getting killed. Well, now that could be approved after him witnessing this. "Um, no. You are _not_ okay, dude. Just...just sit down? I think it'll be for you own good." he led Kakuzu to a nearby seat, sat him down and Looked down at him as if he's grown a second head.

Kakuzu however did not sit still. He was silent though, with a small giggle here and there every now and then, teeth chattering away. He would look around in paranoia, shifting in his seat and bouncing his legs up and down. Hidan was almost getting worried, furrowing his brows before he saw Kakuzu reach out for another sugary lolli-pop.

Then something finally clicked in his brain and he got the idea that perhaps his partner was on sugar high. And oh boy, knowing Hidan, he wasn't willing to passing up this chance. Hell naw. That devilish smirk made it's way to tug at the corners of Hidan's lips, as he cooed in his baby voice: "Haaay, Kuzu-kitty, do you want some yum-yums?" he mocked, snatching the lolli before Kakuzu could reach it and dangling it in front of said "Kuzu-kitty"'s green eyes.

"Ooooh! yesyesyes, yes please! Yum-yums." he clapped, clawing in a feline manner. Hidan merely barked in laughter at the unimaginable sight of this. This was going to be such good blackmail in future terms. This bastard had it coming.

"Mnnn, but what if," he paused to rest his arm on Kakuzu's head, and stroking his imaginary beard. "_I_ eat it? What will you do then, Kuzu-kitty?"

At that moment, Kakuzu, a missing-nin in the Akatsuki with a record of killing all his partners before Hidan, did the unthinkable. He pouted. Not a sort of 'Tch' pout, but a real pout, with full-blown cheeks, furrowed brows and chibi-esque eyes. No sane living being could've thought this cold-hearted man could play a pout so innocent and cute in it's own morbid way.

Worst is, it was quite a charmer. Hard to resist, even. "But...I want my Yum-yums." he said at last, and Hidan could only stare in bewilderment. Disbelief. Fear. You name it.

"Uhm, if you put it that way, go ahead and take your candyyy-ow!" Sugar-high Kakuzu had already pounced upon the man, and stole the lollipop from his hand.

Not only did he come down with a huge thud, his stab wounds reopened, and blood soon soaked through his shirt again. "Urgh! fuck, damnit! you crazy son of a whore!" Hidan screamed, pushing his unstable partner away. And said, unstable, Kakuzu wavered and hit his head against the wall. _Hard_.

Now, it was in such an odd way did Kakuzu turn into his direct polar-opposite, he only needed a bonk on the head to turn him back to normal. Except perhaps Hidan had pushed him harder than he thought he did, because Kakuzu passed out right there.

When he awoke the next morning, he wasn't so sure of where he was at. What happened last night, and why the hell was he so sticky and felt like shit. But moreover, his head was _pounding_ in pain. He slowly sat up, clutching his head in agony.

His vision was blurry, and unfocused. And the bright light bulb that hung over his head being really intense in his eyes, wasn't helping one bit. Kakuzu let out a groan, before forcing himself to stand up. His legs felt like his bones had been ripped out, with only his skin and raw muscle still trying to support his weight. "What the fuck...wh-where am I...uck!"

The horrible day old scent of dead man invaded his nostrils, and it was...just plain disgusting. Not the most pleasant of things to see right in the wake of morning, especially after a "hang over". Not only the sight, but the smell was enough to make him throw up a little in his mouth. Only someone like Zetsu would appreciate the existence of such a thing lying next to you when you first get up.

It got to him. Why was there the disgusting corpse anyway? He stared at the disfigured body for a few minutes, until little by little, his memory made a comeback. "Alright...I remember I was in one of my bounty missions...but what the fuck happened after we killed the guy?"...he scratched at the back of his head, and let out a deep sigh. "Oh wait. We. Hidan's here isn't he?" he muttered, looking around his surroundings for the man. "Tch...Where is he?"

Frowning in disappointment, he couldn't help but to stare back at the corpse. For a moment, a long pause ensued. "Wait a minute...if this was a bounty mission, could that be the-" immediately his eyes widened, then came back into that all too familiar look of rage. "That fucking idiot tore the skin off his god-damned face. What the fuck was he thinking!" he screamed in frustration, throwing his hands up into the air. "HIDAN, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!"

The echo in the house bounced right back at him, and Kakuzu could only mutter many unholy words under his breath when he found a staircase leading upstairs. He raised a brow before slowly making his way to the stairs.

Hidan could be up there. Who knows? it was worth a shot. It seemed like the best place to start looking for him. After making his way up those bloody stairs, he narrowed his eyes at the first room with its door slightly ajar. It was safe to assume Hidan was dominating in that room, due to the breathing coming from inside.

Alright, so he found Hidan. Though he wasn't at all impressed. His partner was warm and cozy under the covers of a king-size bed, while _he_ spent the night downstairs next to the rotting corpse and feeling generally shitty. He was adding fuel into the fire, first the distortion of the face, and now him just sleeping away all comfy in a fucking bed! That aroused him lots.

Ranting immensely with words that certainly virgin ears must never bear witness to, Kakuzu stomped over to the side of the bed and kicked Hidan square in the ribs, and pushed him off to the side.

"Gah! fuck!" Hidan squealed, landing in a heap on the floor and clutching his chest in pain. "Y-You insane little-" he coughed, sitting up and trying to look up at the kicker. He snarled when he saw Kakuzu's amused look on his face.

"Who the fuck kicks someone while they're sleeping?...seriously, even I don't do that." Kakuzu merely rolled his eyes. "Well, I do. And you deserved it." Judging by the confused look on Hidan's face, Kakuzu continued. "The whole point of coming here was to get our bounty, isn't that right? Not so that you can have a fucking blood bath and distort the guy's face enough so that no one can fucking tell who it was!"

"Oh." was the response from him. Hidan forced himself up from the floor and slipped his cloak back on. Then without even looking back at Kakuzu, he turned and left the room.

You can almost see the bubbling ire in Kakuzu's eyes. "YOU FAGGOT!" he yelled out the door, "Oh?...OH?! is that all you're gonna give me? what the fuck are you planning on doing about this?!"

Hidan merely howled in laughter at this, still not saying anything as he went downstairs.

This was the last straw. Kakuzu even remembered saying specifically not to do anything to the face. _Anything_ but the face. What was the point of even _being _here if there was no proper bounty to cash-in? This really frustrated Kakuzu. He traveled all this way for nothing. Fucking Hidan, he'll pay for this.

"Huh?! What are you going to do about this? He was worth over six thousand!" he screeched, running after Hidan and basically yelling in his face.

"Holy crap, calm down. Stop acting like one of your masks are up you _ass_." he frowned, "Don't think I'm a total idiot, I knew I'd hear hell from you if I fuck up his face. So that's why I kept the face skin." and with that, he held up the nasty bloodied skin in front of Kakuzu's eyes. Kakuzu was silent. But not for long. He sneered, grabbing the skin from Hidan and shoulder-bumping him as he walked by him.

"Hahaha, you really need to chillax..._Kuzu__-kitty_." Hidan said back at him, knowing fully aware that Kakuzu was probably avoiding the mentioning of his sugar-high from last night.

Kakuzu's ears twitched. "The fuck did you call me?"

"Kuzu-kitty...you want more yum-yums?" Hidan pushed on, an amused grin reflected upon his face.

The waterfall-nin raised a brow before shaking his head at his partner. "Hidan...sometimes, I really worry about you. You're fucking weird."

Hidan blinked. "Don't you remember last night though? you and all the candy...no?"

"What in hell are you talking about, jackass?...shut up and let's get going. I want to cash-in and return to H.Q by today." he bit back, completely clueless as to his obscene doing last night.

_He really doesn't remember...wow. Guess he hit his head reall__y hard that time_. Hidan thought, then picked the skinned body from the floor. The stench was unbearable. "MOTHER-FU-...god damnit, is there a garbage bag or something around here?" he asked, plugging his nose and looking around.

"It's your own fault." Kakuzu snapped, stepping out the door.

Hidan grimaced. "Wait, damnit! argh!" having no choice, he hauled the disgusting body over his shoulder and quickly ran to catch up with Kakuzu.

It was a normal mission on Kakuzu's terms, busting into a guy's house, and killing him for that fruitful bounty on his head.

Hidan wouldn't think so.

End.

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A/N: Stay safe on your trick or treating this year. ;D Happy Halloween!


End file.
